Dear Margaret,
I sat looking at old photographs today. Blurred photos of you enmeshed with people that have long since exited your life. Photos of time spent traveling. You were too preoccupied with having a good time and overly concerned about what others thought of you to appreciate the opportunities that were being given. I immediately wanted to wrap you up in a bubble; somehow protect you from all the heartache and confusion and mistakes that I know lie ahead. But you can’t take away the bad without also taking away the good. And there was plenty of good. I also know, that at seventeen, you weren’t ready to hear certain things. And that’s ok because I’m here to tell you that you survived. You survived it all. Not without some bumps and bruises and a few broken hearts. But if I could impart my now forty eight year old wisdom on you, this is what I would say.
You are perfect just the way you are. Don’t worry about changing just to fit into someone else’s idea of perfection. This is an impossible standard to try and live up to.
That being said, don’t ever think for a minute that you are done learning. There is so much the world has to offer and each day holds an opportunity for growth.
Be humble. And vulnerable. These qualities are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of strength. I know you try to act like you have your entire life figured out, but it’s ok to admit that you don’t. You’re not going to let anyone, except yourself, down by acknowledging this.
Your body is strong and capable of so much. Food is not your enemy. Use exercise as your superpower, not as a form of punishment. Learn to love and appreciate it.
Be kind, and smile and laugh a lot. This sounds so simple and it is. Your greatest source of happiness will come from helping others, not from buying the Toyota Celica like you think it will (the Celica turns out to be a lemon by the way).
You have to get so confident in who you are that no one’s opinion, rejection or behavior can shatter you.
Take advantage of everything that college has to offer. Use it as an opportunity to explore what interests you, not just as a four year sabbatical to get through so you can receive a piece of paper.
Alcohol is not your friend. It may seem, at times, like it is your best friend but it’s a lie. You might think that it helps you feel less anxious and more sociable but it is the actual source of your anxiety. You may not see it as a problem now but it will slowly sneak up on you. So stop now. Don’t let society dictate how you behave. Drinking is not a prerequisite to adulthood.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. You will save yourself so much time and energy and sleepless nights by just accepting this one small fact.
Being an extrovert is not a death sentence. Embrace it. Stay home on a Friday night and watch movies with your parents. You’re not required to go out and believe me when I tell you, you’re not going to be missing out on anything that exciting.
Finally, don’t ever second guess your decision to stay at home with your kids. How you prioritize your life is your choice and it is one you will never regret.
With love,
Your 48 year old self
