I am in recovery. Isn’t everyone. Aren’t we all recovering from something. I mean life is hard. Whether its food, gambling, shopping, drugs or, like with me, alcohol, we are all searching for something to “numb” life’s difficult moments. The problem, however, as Brene Brown so eloquently puts it, we cannot “selectively numb”. Suddenly those same things that we reached for to allow us to soften life’s harshness, we start reaching for to also celebrate life’s successes. And then one day you wake up and no longer recognize this life that you have created and this person that you have become. You will feel scared. You will feel alone. Believe me, you are not alone.
For most of my life I considered myself an outsider. I was the tall lanky, white haired, buck tooth girl trying to hang with the cool kids. That image of myself never really went away. Of course it was an obscured image, but that doesn’t really matter. What matters is how it made me feel. Alone. Wanting to somehow prove that I was worthy. Of course I was worthy. We ALL are worthy. These images and feelings we have of ourselves when we are younger are so powerful. They will often carry over with us into adulthood. I know they did with me.
So what do we do. How do we stop this epidemic of perpetual “numbing”. It is said that the opposite of addiction is connection. Shame and fear are two of the biggest emotions that will keep someone isolated and prevent them from reaching out for help. The stigma that attaches itself to someone who is an addict is real. If we can break down these barriers, allow vulnerability, maybe, just maybe some real conversations can begin surrounding these topics of addiction and recovery.
For myself, running is the cornerstone of my recovery. Replacing those antiquated images of myself with others that are strong and powerful. We can do difficult things without numbing. By feeling. And being vulnerable. And then one day you wake up and no longer recognize this life that you have created and this person that you have become. And you will love it. One day, one run at a time.
