We were promised we could have it all. The world was our oyster. We could not only bring home the bacon, we could also fry it up in a pan. And many of us gen x women did just that. Or at least we tried. We got the degrees, all the initials after our names prove it. Although we now technically could have it all, what would have to be sacrificed. We were expected to do twice as much work with half as much support. Do the math, this is not a sustainable way to live. At some point, something had to give.
My son’s first three months of life were spent napping in his car seat by my feet, listening to to law lectures on estate and give tax and legal ethics. I was in my third year of law school when I discovered I was pregnant. One of my professors referred to my pregnancy as a “condition” and was perplexed why someone would go through the torture know as law school only to end up in my “condition.” I, however, was thrilled. My husband and I had decided even before we were married that, if possible, I would stay home with our children. It was never a question that it would be me staying home. My husband’s career was well underway at this point and I, well, I was their mom.
Like many of my other gen x moms, I had always planned on going back to work when our kids started school. But then there was another baby, and another, and another. And there were classrooms to volunteer in, sports to be driven to and music lessons and snow days and let’s not forget days when kids were sick. It was a privilege to be at home with my kids. One that many do not have. I never had worry about missing any milestones. Yes, we made sacrifices but being home with my kids was a privilege, one I am immensely grateful for. When the time, however, was finally right to reenter the workforce I found no want ads for a forty something woman with an education and a skill for changing diapers and cooking healthy 30 minute meals.
The fact that we were told we could have it all also implied that we SHOULD have it all. Those of us deciding not to take advantage of our new good fortune were left feeling as if we had somehow let down our fellow gen x women as well as disappointing female boomers who had fought so hard for us to have this right. The right to “have” it all. Many of us are now facing mid-life still making student loans payments, for all those letters after our names, and wondering we
We did it, just like Nike told us to. We made decisions. We changed diapers, we organized playgroups, we color coded schedules and packed lunches and snacks. We pumped breast milk in bathroom stalls at work and rushed to make it to school concerts. We read Good Night Moon and The Magic Treehouse and Harry Potter. We made minimum payments on student loans and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with no crusts. We did it. But just because we did it doesn’t mean the next generation has to sit the exact same way. Lets make societal changes so future women really can have it all without losing a bit of themselves in the process.
