Traveling with a tween, get ready to experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I have been truly blessed with the opportunity of traveling with my youngest daughter, who just this past week turned 13. Together we have traveled throughout the United States, France, Italy and most recently Thailand. I have learned, by making a lot of mistakes along the way, what works best when traveling with this age group. Tweens are dying for independence yet craving security. At any given moment you need to be prepared to handle a range of different emotions (sometimes all happening simultaneously). Don’t let this frighten you, traveling with a tween will leave you with memories that far outweigh any of the headaches they may cause. So pack your bags, buckle your seat belts and put your tray tables up! Hopefully my advice will help you avoid some of the blunders I’ve made.
Research your destination together before you go
Is your idea of the perfect travel experience biking your way through the countryside of France yet your 12 year old has never made it further than a couple of miles on their bike. If so you are setting yourself up for disaster. Have realistic expectations. If they do not enjoy spending their weekends hiking at home, more than likely they will not enjoy it while traveling. That being said, this is also the time to experience new things, just in smaller doses with tweens. Choose a location that interests both of you. Then you can start researching together. Language, religion, food, activities. Part of the fun of travel lies in the planning and anticipation.
Share your itinerary
I am a planner. I like nothing better than to sit and plan our days. Filling them in with hikes, trips to museums and recommended cafes. On a spreadsheet. Color coded. Traveling with my daughter has made me reign this side of my personality in. Sharing your itinerary ahead of time with your tween will save you A LOT of possible grief later on. Four temples in one day, I don’t think so Mom! Hash out these issues before heading to the airport. I know my daughter is not a morning person but on a couple of our trips there have been some “not to miss” sunrises. Letting her know ahead of time which days we would be rising before the sun helped avoid some unnecessary arguments during our trip. This also goes hand and hand with my next recommendation, know your tween.
Know your tween
What does your tween like. This is a pretty basic question but one that is really worth thinking about before traveling together. What are their hobbies. Do they prefer mornings or evenings. Sorting out likes and dislikes will help you plan your travel so it is enjoyable for BOTH of you. My daughter loves to cook and will also stop dead in her tracks for any animal she encounters (seriously, any animal!) Knowing this, we always try to incorporate a cooking class and some type of volunteer opportunity that involves animals. One of the main purposes and benefits of traveling, at any age, is learning to step outside your comfort zone. With tweens this is a fine line. When do you push and when do you pull back. A difficult question and one only you as a parent can answer. My daughter and I decided to go zip lining in Thailand (I am super scared of heights but am in an ongoing battle to overcome it). My daughter was beyond excited about the idea until we reached the first line where she proceeded to have a full on panic attack. Encouraging her to overcome her fear, I knew this could go one of two ways; either a brilliant parenting move or disastrous. Thankfully it was the former.
Friends do matter
The first time my daughter and I travelled outside the country I believed every moment should be spent together . When she would get upset about the wifi not working I would shrug it off. Who needs wifi. Well, it turns out tweens do. Friends matter. Being away from them, even if you are on this amazing, life changing, trip of a lifetime is hard. Fit in time for friends, believe me, understanding and accepting this fact was a game changer!
Slow travel
In two weeks you may be able to take in 3 different countries and 5 different cities but you will be left with one cranky, tired tween! There are not many adults that could handle that kind of travel schedule without having a few meltdowns so you can’t expect a 10-13 year old to be able to manage it. Choose one location and plan day trips that will take you exploring different areas. Half way through your trip change where you are staying. For instance on our recent trip to Thailand we spent the first week staying within the Old City of Chiang Mai and then moved about thirty minutes outside of the city. It gave us a total different perspective and also prevented the boredom of staying put in one place. Slow travel also allows you to stop and absorb a place without just rushing through, taking in the obligatory sites and moving on. It gives you mornings of wandering without a set itinerary. More often than not, these mornings give birth to the best memories.
not all who wander are lost
Give responsibility
As my daughter has gotten older I have given her more and more responsibility. Being in charge of her passport (i take it and put it in the hotel safe once we reach our destination), filling out immigration forms, packing and repacking her own backpack. Yes, there will be mistakes (a beloved blanket was left behind on our last trip) but self-esteem and confidence are built by empowering our tweens with age appropriate responsibility. Allow your tween to plan an entire day from beginning to end (transportation included). It is a great way to get to know your tween!
Practice your breathing
Things will not go perfectly. There will be that moment when you are suppose to be in the lobby in five minutes and your tween decides that their hair suddenly doesn’t look right. BREATHE, BEATHE, BREATHE! Like they say, don’t sweat the small stuff, these are not the moments you will remember as your son/daughter is packing and leaving for college. Embrace all the imperfect moments that go hand in hand with traveling!
